When I was in school and someone in my vicinity dies, I use to cry at home and hide from their relatives and friends just with the fear of what I will say, I never have any words. I don’t have the strength to face them.
I have always thought about what one should say and how one should react on such situation. The reality is, at that moment no-one can control. Every action and reaction just comes out with emotion, and just follows the wind.
When my sister died in India, because of after delivery infections I felt very alone. At that moment I was here in US, and had exams in following week. The tragedy was I want to talk to my family and want to be their strength but I had NO WORDS. My parents were rather consoling me, no matter how hard for them to SEE their dead daughter. My friends, who even don't know my sister, called me and ask about what exactly happen. But what I was doing nothing – not even remember I talk to anyone in family just called them as was quiet. With time things heal up, everyone is back to their schedule.
Do anyone thinks that talking and discussing more about the dead person and remembering them, comforts their relatives more?
Things are very easy going when it happens to other person. Daily I read in newspaper or hear in news that 50 people died in plane crash, or hundreds were injured in train accident. But things change dramatically when it relates you.
Time passed, one of my most favorite uncle passed away. At this time I again felt miserable and not bold enough to talk to their family. Last week when my father’s best friend mother died I face the same situation. This time I took courage to call them but I have NO WORDS to share with them. I cried all day and night and still crying as I miss her very much. Even though, I know my near ones need my support but even at this stage I feel like I have not grown enough to talk on one’s death.
It is still a biggest grudge I feel, that what words I would have used at that time. Or might me, my childish attitude is half right. When someone close dies, no one needs any words to console or discuss things of how and why they are dead. No matter these conversations will not bring them back, they are no more, just NO MORE in this world. May be presence of your near ones makes you feel more comfortable and provides the moral support.
Time will again heal the pain, but my feeling of dishearten and resentment will never die. I want to find the answer -Should there be a Conversation after Death! If yes, then what?
