When I was in school and someone in my vicinity dies, I use to cry at home and hide from their relatives and friends just with the fear of what I will say, I never have any words. I don’t have the strength to face them.
I have always thought about what one should say and how one should react on such situation. The reality is, at that moment no-one can control. Every action and reaction just comes out with emotion, and just follows the wind.
When my sister died in India, because of after delivery infections I felt very alone. At that moment I was here in US, and had exams in following week. The tragedy was I want to talk to my family and want to be their strength but I had NO WORDS. My parents were rather consoling me, no matter how hard for them to SEE their dead daughter. My friends, who even don't know my sister, called me and ask about what exactly happen. But what I was doing nothing – not even remember I talk to anyone in family just called them as was quiet. With time things heal up, everyone is back to their schedule.
Do anyone thinks that talking and discussing more about the dead person and remembering them, comforts their relatives more?
Things are very easy going when it happens to other person. Daily I read in newspaper or hear in news that 50 people died in plane crash, or hundreds were injured in train accident. But things change dramatically when it relates you.
Time passed, one of my most favorite uncle passed away. At this time I again felt miserable and not bold enough to talk to their family. Last week when my father’s best friend mother died I face the same situation. This time I took courage to call them but I have NO WORDS to share with them. I cried all day and night and still crying as I miss her very much. Even though, I know my near ones need my support but even at this stage I feel like I have not grown enough to talk on one’s death.
It is still a biggest grudge I feel, that what words I would have used at that time. Or might me, my childish attitude is half right. When someone close dies, no one needs any words to console or discuss things of how and why they are dead. No matter these conversations will not bring them back, they are no more, just NO MORE in this world. May be presence of your near ones makes you feel more comfortable and provides the moral support.
Time will again heal the pain, but my feeling of dishearten and resentment will never die. I want to find the answer -Should there be a Conversation after Death! If yes, then what?
Hey Madi. Is there is something we can do to bring the dead back from the grave? There isn't. No god will answer your prayers. There are certain things we need to accept. We all have lost some our loved ones. I know its very hard, but we have to come out of it. Sometimes its better you not speak to anyone in such cases. It might just remind them of the dead. You see yourself as childish, but I see you being sensible as you are trying not to complicate the situation. I too refrain myself from such talks, but I do make it a point to call the family after a couple of weeks.
ReplyDeleteHi Adi,
ReplyDeleteI know it's difficult...what comes...goes...thats the rule by which this world rules.This helps us value relationships and treasure ones close to us.The demised ones will always be rememberd though by virtue of fond memories.
Hey !!! I think u think too much... u tooooo emotional. Words not always required to express ur feelings, these are only required to show to unkowns. The people knowing u and the person related don't require words to express ur feelings to them, this is what the relationships are for. When u have close boundings expressing ur feelings in words is very small thing. Only it matters is ur presence, that too ur emotional support that u r there with them. U feeling too bad because u were not physically present when all these happened, but its every one know how much attached u are with them, its like everyone knows and understands people very close to them will have a set-back(which it was in ur case too).
ReplyDeleteSo dear, its part of life, and what i feel is, everyone should be aware in their lifetime only how one feels aboout them. It only means, that the person should know in his/her lifetime that how close u are or how u feel about them, either by ur doings or the words spoken, others will automatically know about it.